How to Build Real Joy, Purpose and Lasting Fulfilment

We all want to be happy. But what actually makes us happy?

Happiness isn’t random and it’s not reserved for people with perfect lives. It’s something we can understand, nurture, and intentionally grow.

Happiness is not just luck, and it’s not only about life going smoothly. There are patterns, principles, and habits that can help us feel more grounded, more connected, and more alive.

In recent years, science has shown us that happiness follows patterns. There are clear psychological and biological principles that determine how we feel, how we respond to life, and how we can rewire our brains to feel more grounded, more connected, and more alive.

And the best part? Those principles are accessible to every one of us.

What Does Happiness Really Mean?

Happiness is one of those words everyone uses but rarely defines. Ask ten people what happiness means, and you’ll probably get ten completely different answers.

For one person, happiness is sitting on the beach with a coffee, watching the sunrise.
For another, it’s the rush of climbing a mountain or chasing a dream.
For someone else, it’s feeling secure, surrounded by family, or having a quiet night in with a good book.

None of these answers are wrong.

They simply reflect how individual and personal happiness truly are. But to understand it, and to build more of it, we need a common language.

That’s where the science of happiness helps. When psychologists began studying happiness systematically, they discovered something fascinating: happiness isn’t just one thing. It comprises two distinct but equally important layers.

The Two Types of Happiness

The first layer is what I like to call feel-good happiness. This is the lighter side, the small, joyful bursts that make life sweet. Think about your first sip of morning coffee, laughing with friends, hearing a song that takes you back to a special time, or that moment when everything just feels right for no particular reason.

Those moments matter. They remind us that joy doesn’t need to be complicated or dramatic. It can exist in the everyday.

Then there’s deep happiness, the kind that comes from meaning and purpose. This is a more grounded, fulfilling kind of happiness that grows from connection, growth, and contribution. It’s the satisfaction of helping someone else, working toward something that matters, or feeling aligned with your values. It’s not always exciting, but it’s deeply rewarding.

We need both.

Pleasure makes life enjoyable; purpose makes it meaningful.

When we learn to balance them, we don’t just feel good; we thrive.

This idea isn’t new, but modern psychology has helped us understand it in a more structured way. Researchers like Ed Diener, nicknamed “Dr. Happiness”, and Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, spent decades studying what makes people flourish.

Their findings were consistent: feel good happiness (what they called hedonic happiness) makes life pleasant, while deep happiness (eudaimonic happiness) gives it depth. Both are essential.

These insights have been replicated across cultures and generations—from Japan to the United States to Europe. The conclusion is universal: we feel most alive when we experience a healthy balance of joy and meaning.

Your Happiness Set Point

Now, here’s where it gets even more interesting. Researchers discovered that each of us seems to have what they call a happiness set point a sort of emotional baseline that we naturally return to after life’s ups and downs.

Let’s say you win the lottery. You’ll probably feel ecstatic for a while, but within a year or two, most people’s happiness levels drift back toward their original baseline. On the flip side, if you go through a major loss or setback, your happiness drops, but in time, most people also return to roughly the same baseline they had before.

This is called hedonic adaptation, our brain’s tendency to get used to new circumstances, both good and bad. It’s why a new phone, a raise, or a holiday feels incredible at first, but that feeling doesn’t last forever.

So what does this mean for us? It means happiness isn’t just about changing what’s happening outside of us it’s about changing how we experience what’s inside.

How Much of Happiness Can We Control?

Psychologists often talk about happiness in terms of the 50-10-40 rule:

• 50% of our happiness comes from our genetics, our biological predisposition toward optimism or caution.

• 10% comes from life circumstances, our job, income, health, or relationship status.

• And the remaining 40% comes from our thoughts, habits, and behaviours, the things we do each day.

That last 40% is where your power lives.

It’s where happiness becomes something we create, not just something that happens to us.

And this is what The Happiness Hack with Tim Coulson is all about, helping you work with that 40% to build a mindset, a lifestyle, and a sense of self that support happiness from the inside out.

The Myths About Happiness

We live in a culture that often tells us happiness is about more, more success, more money, more freedom, more followers.

But science tells a different story. Once our basic needs are met, external achievements add only a small and temporary boost to happiness. We adapt quickly. Then we start searching for the next thing, the next win, the next milestone.

So if happiness doesn’t live in stuff, status, or social validation, where does it come from?

The research keeps pointing back to three key areas:

Connection

Purpose

Mindset.

Connection: The Heart of Happiness

One of the most powerful findings in happiness research comes from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on human happiness, now more than 80 years old.

Its conclusion was clear:

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

Not wealth. Not fame. Not career success. But connection.

And it’s not about the number of friends you have, it’s about the quality of the relationships. Having even a few people who truly know you, support you, and accept you makes an enormous difference to both your emotional wellbeing and your physical health.

Connection helps us feel safe, seen, and valued. It gives us a sense of belonging and belonging is at the core of what it means to be human.

Purpose: The Anchor That Grounds Us.

Purpose is the sense that what we do matters. That we’re contributing to something bigger than ourselves.

Purpose gives our lives direction and depth.

Purpose might come through raising kids, caring for others, volunteering, teaching, creating, or simply doing your work with heart. It’s not about titles or recognition; it’s about alignment knowing that your daily actions reflect your values.

When we lose sight of purpose, even success can feel hollow. But when we reconnect with it, even difficult times take on new meaning.

Mindset: Training Your Brain for Joy.

Our brains are naturally wired to look for threats; it’s a survival instinct. But in everyday life, this bias can keep us focused on what’s wrong rather than what’s right.

Positive psychology teaches us we can retrain our attention. We can teach our brains to notice the good to recognise progress, gratitude, and possibility.

And when we do that consistently, happiness stops feeling like something fleeting. It becomes part of how we see the world.

Three Simple Happiness Hacks

Happiness doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, the most powerful changes often come from the simplest daily habits.

Here are three that science says make a real difference:

1. Three Good Things
   Each night before bed, write down three things that went well that day. They don’t have to be big. Small moments count! Over time, this rewires your brain to focus more naturally on positivity.

2. Invest in Connection
   Reach out to someone meaningful. Have a real conversation, free of distractions. Studies show that even brief, genuine social connection boosts mood and reduces stress hormones.

3. Do One Thing with Purpose
   Find a small way to contribute today, help a neighbour, share your skills, offer encouragement, or create something. Purpose doesn’t need to be grand, it just needs to be felt.

Happiness isn’t about avoiding struggle or chasing perfection. It’s about embracing life as it is, and learning to focus on what matters most.

When we combine pleasure with purpose, strengthen our connections, and shift our mindset, we stop chasing happiness and start living it.

You don’t need to overhaul your life to start.
You just need to begin.

Ready to Create Your Own Happiness?

If you’re ready to understand your own patterns, reset your mindset, and build a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more intentional. I’d love to help you get there.

You can book a one-on-one session with me through my website at tim-coulson.com. Together, we’ll uncover what’s holding you back and create a personalised framework for more grounded, lasting happiness.

And if you want weekly tools, insights, and practical science-backed tips to keep you inspired, make sure you subscribe to The Happiness Hack with Tim Coulson, available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Happiness isn’t about having it all together. It’s about building something better, one thought, one habit, one moment at a time.